I haven’t always been this way you know: anti social, quiet and what not. I use to have a best friend; I use to trust people to large extents. Now, now things are different. I trust next to know one, I have no best friend and I never will. No one’s really gotten close to me since her, not even my ‘boyfriend’. To afraid that they’ll hurt me I guess. Now at school I read with my music on at lunch. If any tries to talk to me they fail and walk away. The only people I’ll talk to or want to hang out with are Lauren and Travis. Though I don’t see much of them anymore other than in the halls and classes. Chris is too loyal to strangers, after the concert things have been different between her and me. I don’t know what changed but I feel like I don’t know her any more. Then there’s Alex, I’ve always had problems with him. Sometimes he doesn’t talk to me or when I try to talk to him he’ll talk to some one else or make me feel stupid. Now I don’t see him any more save socials class. He doesn’t talk to me in class, no one does. Alex and me have been friends for so long I’ve come to accept his behavior, but he was different back in those carefree days of child hood. Some wish that those days could come back, I on the other hand wish they never happened. Too many bad memories of friends backstabbing me or betraying me. It was then that it all started, first with Chris ((guy)) and his swearing and other things. Then in grade five with my fake best friend…
For five years she had been my best friend. I had trusted her and she trusted me. Nothing, it seemed, could break us apart. This could no future from the truth. It was one of those gray days that something bad is doomed to happen. Our other friend wasn’t with us or sick, I can’t remember anymore. Both my friends were close, but closer than I assumed. I found myself pondering upon the thought of being best friends with her.
“Hey, we’re still best friends right?” She looked at me blankly as if to say, “How stupid can you get?” then relied with: “Hannah, we were never best friends. I’ve only ever had one.” And then I knew who she was. She poisoned my mind and thought permanently. To this day I have never had a best friend to tell every thing to because of her. I have never had a shoulder to cry on because of her. I have never let any one get that close to me again because of her. My loyalties lost, my trust mislead and my heart shattered. Because of her my vision of people is tainted and she doesn’t even know how I feel.
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I’ve gotten use to betrayal by people now. It’s happened all too much to me. The world I live in is filled with memories that haunt me, pain that never leaves, and wound that never heal… Then again I could be over reacting, you can never quiet tell with honest people. I've probally inflicted some of this to myself too I suppose...